1 00:00:00,747 --> 00:00:03,482 [Crow caws] 2 00:00:03,483 --> 00:00:07,188 Frankie: Going to college is an exciting time for every kid, 3 00:00:07,189 --> 00:00:09,657 and no kid was more excited than Sue. 4 00:00:09,658 --> 00:00:10,958 Yeah! 5 00:00:10,959 --> 00:00:13,260 Oh, I'm going to college! 6 00:00:13,261 --> 00:00:15,129 That was June. 7 00:00:15,130 --> 00:00:16,864 Ohh. 8 00:00:16,865 --> 00:00:18,265 [Sighs] Oh, my God. 9 00:00:18,266 --> 00:00:20,334 [Chuckles] It's really happening. 10 00:00:20,335 --> 00:00:21,869 I'm going to college! 11 00:00:21,870 --> 00:00:24,138 - That was July. - [Laughs] 12 00:00:24,139 --> 00:00:25,973 And then, the day was finally here... 13 00:00:25,974 --> 00:00:27,308 Eeeeee! 14 00:00:27,309 --> 00:00:29,810 One week until she was going to college. 15 00:00:29,811 --> 00:00:32,913 Fine. We can put one thing in the trunk. 16 00:00:32,914 --> 00:00:34,983 I vote for Sue. [Chuckles] 17 00:00:36,184 --> 00:00:37,117 That's okay. 18 00:00:37,118 --> 00:00:39,057 - [Chuckles] - Bring it on, Axl. 19 00:00:39,058 --> 00:00:40,054 Let's hear 'em. 20 00:00:40,055 --> 00:00:42,756 You got six days to get out all the snarky comments 21 00:00:42,757 --> 00:00:44,391 because I want to be surrounded 22 00:00:44,392 --> 00:00:48,507 by nothing but kindness, sweetness, respect, and love 23 00:00:48,508 --> 00:00:50,447 when you all take me on my ride up to college. 24 00:00:50,448 --> 00:00:52,582 Well, that won't be a problem, as I will not be joining you 25 00:00:52,583 --> 00:00:54,251 on the "dorkient" express. 26 00:00:54,252 --> 00:00:56,152 - What? - Yeah, you heard me. 27 00:00:56,153 --> 00:00:58,121 I have a week between school and football, 28 00:00:58,122 --> 00:01:00,023 and I have elected to spend my final days of freedom 29 00:01:00,024 --> 00:01:01,391 free of you. 30 00:01:01,392 --> 00:01:03,627 No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 31 00:01:03,628 --> 00:01:05,095 You have to come. 32 00:01:05,096 --> 00:01:07,063 The whole family came when you got dropped off, 33 00:01:07,064 --> 00:01:09,065 and I want exactly the same. 34 00:01:09,066 --> 00:01:11,101 This is an iconic moment, Axl. 35 00:01:11,102 --> 00:01:12,636 I've already labeled a photo album 36 00:01:12,637 --> 00:01:16,439 "Sue's college drop-off: The whole family drops me off 37 00:01:16,440 --> 00:01:18,942 (an iconic moment)." 38 00:01:18,943 --> 00:01:21,711 So... Yeah, it can't be reversed. 39 00:01:21,712 --> 00:01:23,680 Yeah, it's not happening, Sue. 40 00:01:23,681 --> 00:01:25,148 - [Door opens] - Mom! 41 00:01:25,149 --> 00:01:26,716 - Mike. - Axl. 42 00:01:26,717 --> 00:01:28,485 You don't even know what I did. 43 00:01:28,486 --> 00:01:30,353 What he did is claim that he doesn't need 44 00:01:30,354 --> 00:01:32,322 to come with us all to my college drop-off. 45 00:01:32,323 --> 00:01:36,560 Look, when you guys came to me and begged me 46 00:01:36,561 --> 00:01:38,562 to let Sue come to my school, 47 00:01:38,563 --> 00:01:40,497 I was overly nice, as usual. 48 00:01:40,498 --> 00:01:42,132 I gave you my blessing. 49 00:01:42,133 --> 00:01:44,765 But now, in six days, Sue's gonna be poking 50 00:01:44,766 --> 00:01:46,336 her big Sue head all up in my business, 51 00:01:46,337 --> 00:01:48,505 and, until that happens, I'd like to enjoy 52 00:01:48,506 --> 00:01:51,608 these last moments of Sue-less-ness... Sue-less! 53 00:01:51,609 --> 00:01:54,210 Keep your pants on, Axl. It's not that big of a deal. 54 00:01:54,211 --> 00:01:55,579 In fact, put your pants on. 55 00:01:55,580 --> 00:01:57,013 Yeah, it's not a big deal to you guys 56 00:01:57,014 --> 00:01:58,548 'cause you dumped her on me. 57 00:01:58,549 --> 00:02:00,317 It's the Ax-man's problem now. You washed your hands of this. 58 00:02:00,318 --> 00:02:01,685 [Gasps] 59 00:02:01,686 --> 00:02:04,220 I bet you didn't even look at other schools, did you, hmm? 60 00:02:04,221 --> 00:02:06,268 This is probably part of your evil plan all along. 61 00:02:06,269 --> 00:02:07,290 You done? 62 00:02:08,092 --> 00:02:10,360 Okay, yeah, I am done now. [Sniffs] 63 00:02:10,361 --> 00:02:11,695 Good. You're coming with us. 64 00:02:11,696 --> 00:02:14,064 - Oh, come on. - And, Sue, you're coming with me. 65 00:02:14,065 --> 00:02:15,332 Let's go. We got work to do. 66 00:02:15,333 --> 00:02:18,101 Time to teach you how to balance a checkbook. 67 00:02:18,102 --> 00:02:19,436 But... 68 00:02:19,437 --> 00:02:21,638 Yep, all summer long, Mike had been dealing 69 00:02:21,639 --> 00:02:23,340 with Sue's impending departure 70 00:02:23,341 --> 00:02:25,275 by trying to cram 1,000 life lessons 71 00:02:25,276 --> 00:02:27,210 into the little time they had left. 72 00:02:27,211 --> 00:02:28,445 There's a lot of spiders in the world, 73 00:02:28,446 --> 00:02:30,213 and I'm not gonna be there to kill them all for you. 74 00:02:30,214 --> 00:02:32,115 One's poisonous, it bites you in your sleep, 75 00:02:32,116 --> 00:02:33,383 you're dead. 76 00:02:33,384 --> 00:02:35,185 Okay, late at night, you're broken down 77 00:02:35,186 --> 00:02:37,354 on the side of the road, nobody in sight... 78 00:02:37,355 --> 00:02:40,090 It's up to you to change this tire, or you're dead. 79 00:02:40,091 --> 00:02:41,458 Hi, dad. 80 00:02:41,459 --> 00:02:43,059 You didn't ask who it was. 81 00:02:43,060 --> 00:02:45,196 Who it was is a dangerous stranger, and you're dead. 82 00:02:46,297 --> 00:02:48,465 I can't believe I have checks. 83 00:02:48,466 --> 00:02:50,200 Do you think I should sign them all now 84 00:02:50,201 --> 00:02:51,101 so they're ready when I need them? 85 00:02:51,102 --> 00:02:53,069 [Sighs] You're scaring me, Sue. 86 00:02:53,070 --> 00:02:54,537 I'll give you your checkbook 87 00:02:54,538 --> 00:02:56,173 when you prove you can balance ours. 88 00:02:59,477 --> 00:03:03,046 Hey, there's my big 8th grader. How was the first day? 89 00:03:03,047 --> 00:03:04,414 It was awesome. 90 00:03:04,415 --> 00:03:06,683 I attended all my classes in the proper order. 91 00:03:06,684 --> 00:03:09,252 And at the afternoon pep rally, I got to go, "'8th grade.' 92 00:03:09,253 --> 00:03:11,488 say it a little louder now. '8th grade!!'" 93 00:03:11,489 --> 00:03:14,190 and I didn't think the pizza bag could get any better, 94 00:03:14,191 --> 00:03:16,359 but strapping it to aunt Edie's oxygen cart 95 00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:18,528 has kicked it up to a whole new level of portability. 96 00:03:18,529 --> 00:03:21,297 Yep, looks like the year of Brick is off to a great start. 97 00:03:21,298 --> 00:03:22,932 Whoa. Whoa. 98 00:03:22,933 --> 00:03:25,235 It can't be the year of Brick. It's still the year of Sue. 99 00:03:25,236 --> 00:03:27,170 I thought the year of Sue was last year. 100 00:03:27,171 --> 00:03:28,938 Sorry, Brick. It's the year of Sue. 101 00:03:28,939 --> 00:03:30,373 No, it's the year of Brick. 102 00:03:30,374 --> 00:03:32,676 I'm gonna end this right now. It's the year of the colts! 103 00:03:32,677 --> 00:03:34,277 Done. 104 00:03:34,278 --> 00:03:36,646 [Sighs] Oh, my God. Mom, can you believe it? 105 00:03:36,647 --> 00:03:39,049 Can you believe your only daughter 106 00:03:39,050 --> 00:03:41,084 is really leaving for college? 107 00:03:41,085 --> 00:03:42,619 Sue, don't start. 108 00:03:42,620 --> 00:03:44,020 [Voice breaking] I can't go there, 109 00:03:44,021 --> 00:03:45,355 or I'll never stop crying. 110 00:03:45,356 --> 00:03:47,524 Oh, my God. I'm sorry, mom. I don't mean to torture you. 111 00:03:47,525 --> 00:03:49,092 [Voice breaking] I don't want to go there, either. 112 00:03:49,093 --> 00:03:51,027 Okay, good. No one's going there. 113 00:03:51,028 --> 00:03:52,462 How you doing balancing the checkbook? 114 00:03:52,463 --> 00:03:54,230 Well, I must have done it wrong. 115 00:03:54,231 --> 00:03:56,533 I have your balance at minus $11. 116 00:03:56,534 --> 00:03:59,436 No, you did it right. It's us who did it wrong. 117 00:03:59,437 --> 00:04:01,304 118 00:04:01,305 --> 00:04:03,373 [Sighs] 119 00:04:03,374 --> 00:04:05,308 Mike: Hey, I taught her how to defend herself 120 00:04:05,309 --> 00:04:08,211 in case someone tries to take her purse. 121 00:04:08,212 --> 00:04:09,612 And she's pretty good at it. [Sighs] 122 00:04:09,613 --> 00:04:13,049 [Chuckles] Well, maybe she's built up some aggression. 123 00:04:13,050 --> 00:04:15,151 You have been kind of on her all summer. 124 00:04:15,152 --> 00:04:17,320 I'm sorry, but until she knows all this stuff, 125 00:04:17,321 --> 00:04:19,355 I'm not gonna feel comfortable sending her away. 126 00:04:19,356 --> 00:04:21,057 Oh, man. Forget I said "away." 127 00:04:21,058 --> 00:04:22,459 don't go getting all weepy now. 128 00:04:22,460 --> 00:04:25,061 [Sighs] 129 00:04:25,062 --> 00:04:27,197 Here's the thing, Mike. 130 00:04:27,198 --> 00:04:29,199 I'm fine. 131 00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:31,134 - What? - Yeah. 132 00:04:31,135 --> 00:04:33,103 About Sue leaving, I'm fine. 133 00:04:33,104 --> 00:04:35,271 I'm really not that upset. 134 00:04:35,272 --> 00:04:36,506 - What? - Yeah, I know. 135 00:04:36,507 --> 00:04:37,707 It's bad, right? 136 00:04:37,708 --> 00:04:40,643 I keep waiting for it to happen, and it just doesn't. 137 00:04:40,644 --> 00:04:42,178 And I don't know why. 138 00:04:42,179 --> 00:04:43,213 I mean, maybe it's because 139 00:04:43,214 --> 00:04:45,014 I've already gone through it with Axl. 140 00:04:45,015 --> 00:04:46,683 Maybe it's because I know the campus. 141 00:04:46,684 --> 00:04:49,152 Maybe it'll just hit me later. I don't know. 142 00:04:49,153 --> 00:04:51,187 But I'm not feeling anything. 143 00:04:51,188 --> 00:04:53,623 Well, what was all that out there, then? 144 00:04:53,624 --> 00:04:55,625 Hello?! Acting. 145 00:04:55,626 --> 00:04:57,560 You don't get cast as ozian number four 146 00:04:57,561 --> 00:05:00,196 at the Orson community theater unless you got some chops. 147 00:05:00,197 --> 00:05:03,066 But, look, I just don't want her to feel bad. 148 00:05:03,067 --> 00:05:05,368 You heard her. She's the second child. 149 00:05:05,369 --> 00:05:08,171 She feels like she never gets the same as Axl. 150 00:05:08,172 --> 00:05:10,106 [Sighs] It's just an iconic moment for her, 151 00:05:10,107 --> 00:05:12,042 and I just don't want to short-shrift her. 152 00:05:13,511 --> 00:05:16,146 Oh, my God. 153 00:05:16,147 --> 00:05:18,515 This is one of the last times I'm gonna walk past your door 154 00:05:18,516 --> 00:05:19,449 and say good night. 155 00:05:19,450 --> 00:05:20,450 Honey. 156 00:05:20,451 --> 00:05:22,385 I'm just gonna miss you so much. 157 00:05:22,386 --> 00:05:25,121 Not a trillionth as much as I'm gonna miss you. 158 00:05:25,122 --> 00:05:26,656 Aww! 159 00:05:26,657 --> 00:05:28,359 [Both smooch] 160 00:05:30,327 --> 00:05:31,461 Nothing. 161 00:05:31,462 --> 00:05:32,630 You're a monster. 162 00:05:33,631 --> 00:05:34,632 [Sighs] 163 00:05:36,066 --> 00:05:38,301 Hi! What's your major? 164 00:05:38,302 --> 00:05:41,304 Oh, that's cool. 165 00:05:41,305 --> 00:05:42,338 Oh, this? 166 00:05:42,339 --> 00:05:44,207 No, it just naturally curls this way. 167 00:05:44,208 --> 00:05:45,275 [Chuckles] 168 00:05:45,276 --> 00:05:47,243 Oh, thanks. Your hair is cute, too. 169 00:05:47,244 --> 00:05:48,344 [Chuckles] 170 00:05:48,345 --> 00:05:50,947 So, are you going to that quad party later? 171 00:05:50,948 --> 00:05:52,549 I totally think we can have fun without drinking. 172 00:05:52,550 --> 00:05:53,717 [Chuckles] 173 00:05:55,319 --> 00:05:56,387 [Chuckles, gasps] 174 00:05:58,689 --> 00:05:59,989 [Gasps] 175 00:05:59,990 --> 00:06:02,359 Mo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-m! 176 00:06:04,513 --> 00:06:06,839 Oh, my God. This did not just happen. 177 00:06:06,840 --> 00:06:08,541 Okay, okay. We can work with this. 178 00:06:08,542 --> 00:06:11,278 Why did you buy a curling iron at a garage sale? 179 00:06:11,279 --> 00:06:13,047 A new curling iron is like 8 bucks. 180 00:06:13,048 --> 00:06:15,115 What is wrong with this family? 181 00:06:15,116 --> 00:06:17,284 That is a question we're not gonna answer tonight, 182 00:06:17,285 --> 00:06:19,220 but let's focus some of that energy 183 00:06:19,221 --> 00:06:20,588 on what we can do something about. 184 00:06:20,589 --> 00:06:23,090 You got 10 seconds to show me a square knot. Go. 185 00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:25,092 [Sighs] Is it looking any better? 186 00:06:25,093 --> 00:06:27,995 Tons... it's really bouncy and light. 187 00:06:27,996 --> 00:06:29,698 It's beachy. Time. 188 00:06:31,132 --> 00:06:32,499 Really, Mike? Knots? Right now? 189 00:06:32,500 --> 00:06:34,335 What? She's up anyway. 190 00:06:34,336 --> 00:06:36,337 And, hey, I wanted to start on knots in June, 191 00:06:36,338 --> 00:06:38,172 but you said she should enjoy life 192 00:06:38,173 --> 00:06:39,974 before the stress of college kicks in. 193 00:06:39,975 --> 00:06:41,408 And now this is her square knot. 194 00:06:41,409 --> 00:06:43,577 That lifeboat she needed to anchor to the dock 195 00:06:43,578 --> 00:06:44,979 just floated away. She's dead. 196 00:06:44,980 --> 00:06:46,180 [Gasps] 197 00:06:46,181 --> 00:06:48,249 Did a rat die in the furnace again? 198 00:06:48,250 --> 00:06:50,484 It smells like burning hair. Whoa. 199 00:06:50,485 --> 00:06:51,518 It's not my fault. 200 00:06:51,519 --> 00:06:53,454 It's mom's cheap garage-sale curling iron. 201 00:06:53,455 --> 00:06:55,723 Well, isn't this just perfect? 202 00:06:55,724 --> 00:06:56,724 Take a physical oddity, 203 00:06:56,725 --> 00:06:57,725 turn her into an emotional wreck, 204 00:06:57,726 --> 00:06:58,959 dump her on me. 205 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:01,128 It's gonna be fine, Sue. 206 00:07:01,129 --> 00:07:03,697 [Sighs] All we need to do is layer and bury the mistake. 207 00:07:03,698 --> 00:07:04,698 Bury the mistake. 208 00:07:04,699 --> 00:07:06,734 Well, I suggested that years ago, 209 00:07:06,735 --> 00:07:08,169 but you guys said we had to keep her. 210 00:07:10,238 --> 00:07:11,673 Okay, come on. Let's take a look. 211 00:07:15,010 --> 00:07:17,144 [Sighs] I don't know what to tell you, Sue. 212 00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:18,512 I mean, you'd think cutting hair in the middle of the night 213 00:07:18,513 --> 00:07:20,180 with the poultry scissors would turn out better, 214 00:07:20,181 --> 00:07:21,715 but it's not working. 215 00:07:21,716 --> 00:07:23,350 You're just gonna have to either let it grow out 216 00:07:23,351 --> 00:07:24,551 or really chop it off. 217 00:07:24,552 --> 00:07:26,186 But I can't cut my hair. 218 00:07:26,187 --> 00:07:28,355 My hair is part of my identity. 219 00:07:28,356 --> 00:07:30,391 It's what I play with when I'm nervous 220 00:07:30,392 --> 00:07:32,626 and sometimes chew on to taste my apple conditioner. 221 00:07:32,627 --> 00:07:35,029 My hair is who I am. 222 00:07:35,030 --> 00:07:36,196 Yeah, that's a tough one. 223 00:07:36,197 --> 00:07:37,698 Let's ponder that while I teach you 224 00:07:37,699 --> 00:07:39,300 how to reset a circuit breaker. 225 00:07:39,301 --> 00:07:41,435 At this point, if we had to pick 226 00:07:41,436 --> 00:07:43,170 whose year it was gonna be, 227 00:07:43,171 --> 00:07:45,172 my money was on Brick. 228 00:07:45,173 --> 00:07:47,508 He'd just discovered 8th graders don't need a hall pass 229 00:07:47,509 --> 00:07:49,543 to go to the bathroom, which, for Brick, 230 00:07:49,544 --> 00:07:51,512 meant a license to read without interruption. 231 00:07:51,513 --> 00:07:53,280 [Door opens] 232 00:07:53,281 --> 00:07:56,383 [Footsteps approaching, shoes squeaking] 233 00:07:56,384 --> 00:07:58,686 Cindy: Brick, do you have a minute? 234 00:07:58,687 --> 00:08:00,321 Cindy? 235 00:08:00,322 --> 00:08:02,122 We've been going out almost a year now. 236 00:08:02,123 --> 00:08:03,590 I think it's time to take our relationship 237 00:08:03,591 --> 00:08:04,559 to the next level. 238 00:08:05,593 --> 00:08:07,195 Okay? 239 00:08:12,067 --> 00:08:14,633 [Sighs] Axl, I need your advice. 240 00:08:14,634 --> 00:08:16,993 My God, I feel like I'm on one of those TV shows where the older brother 241 00:08:16,994 --> 00:08:18,343 has to take care of the younger siblings 242 00:08:18,344 --> 00:08:20,641 'cause the parents are dead or incompetent or... ugh. 243 00:08:20,642 --> 00:08:22,509 It's about Cindy. 244 00:08:22,510 --> 00:08:23,644 Mm, what did she do... 245 00:08:23,645 --> 00:08:25,045 Eat all the leaves off the top of the trees? 246 00:08:25,046 --> 00:08:26,246 Now she's roaming around hungry? 247 00:08:26,247 --> 00:08:28,415 Oh, I get it... 'cause she's tall. 248 00:08:28,416 --> 00:08:30,017 Original stuff. 249 00:08:30,018 --> 00:08:31,552 It's kind of urgent, actually. 250 00:08:31,553 --> 00:08:33,187 She says she wants to take our relationship 251 00:08:33,188 --> 00:08:34,221 to the next level. 252 00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:36,290 Ooh! 253 00:08:36,291 --> 00:08:38,125 She is a saucy one. 254 00:08:38,126 --> 00:08:40,394 [Chuckles] So, what's the next level? 255 00:08:40,395 --> 00:08:42,629 Well, that's the problem. She didn't say. 256 00:08:42,630 --> 00:08:44,365 I know it's not talking to me while I'm pooping 257 00:08:44,366 --> 00:08:45,632 'cause she's already done that. 258 00:08:45,633 --> 00:08:48,035 Okay, Brick, well, what we're gonna want to do 259 00:08:48,036 --> 00:08:49,403 is find out what level you're at now 260 00:08:49,404 --> 00:08:52,029 and go up from there, so, where would you say you are now? 261 00:08:52,030 --> 00:08:54,274 - Wait, how many levels are there? - About 47. 262 00:08:54,275 --> 00:08:55,709 68 if you're in Europe. 263 00:08:55,710 --> 00:08:57,177 You're gonna want to skip level 9, 264 00:08:57,178 --> 00:09:00,214 and levels 12 through 15 require a stepladder and a car. 265 00:09:00,215 --> 00:09:01,416 Hold on. Let me get a pencil. 266 00:09:02,617 --> 00:09:05,686 So, the next day, after all those long months 267 00:09:05,687 --> 00:09:09,089 of anticipation, the wait was finally over. 268 00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:11,358 Well, almost. 269 00:09:11,359 --> 00:09:13,627 Come on, Sue. What's the holdup? 270 00:09:13,628 --> 00:09:16,663 Sue: Uh, I kind of did something, 271 00:09:16,664 --> 00:09:18,699 and I'm not sure if I should come out. 272 00:09:18,700 --> 00:09:20,401 I got this one. 273 00:09:20,402 --> 00:09:22,603 Hey, Sue, listen, if you're second-guessing 274 00:09:22,604 --> 00:09:24,138 going to college and want to just stay 275 00:09:24,139 --> 00:09:25,973 in your room forever, I think that's a great instinct. 276 00:09:25,974 --> 00:09:28,275 I'm sure mom and dad will get you some food every once in a while, 277 00:09:28,276 --> 00:09:31,445 and maybe, some day, they'd find some prairie cult dude 278 00:09:31,446 --> 00:09:33,580 who's willing to take you in as wife number three. 279 00:09:33,581 --> 00:09:36,450 Okay, everybody just be honest 280 00:09:36,451 --> 00:09:38,452 and tell me what you really think. 281 00:09:38,453 --> 00:09:40,120 282 00:09:40,121 --> 00:09:41,488 [Sighs] 283 00:09:41,489 --> 00:09:44,626 Ahhhhh...? 284 00:09:47,228 --> 00:09:49,496 Ohh! 285 00:09:49,497 --> 00:09:51,365 Wow! 286 00:09:51,366 --> 00:09:53,333 Looks different. 287 00:09:53,334 --> 00:09:54,701 I can see your neck. 288 00:09:54,702 --> 00:09:57,204 I think you actually look a little less gross. 289 00:09:57,205 --> 00:09:58,639 Really?! 290 00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:00,307 Thank you! 291 00:10:00,308 --> 00:10:02,309 You know, I-I-I-I was just in my room, 292 00:10:02,310 --> 00:10:04,244 and I knew I had to do something 293 00:10:04,245 --> 00:10:05,964 because mom really just made it worse. 294 00:10:05,965 --> 00:10:09,016 I just took a deep breath, and I cut it off. 295 00:10:09,017 --> 00:10:10,250 And it worked. 296 00:10:10,251 --> 00:10:12,319 I feel like a whole new Sue. 297 00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:14,521 You know, maybe, when God burns off your hair, 298 00:10:14,522 --> 00:10:15,656 he opens a window. 299 00:10:15,657 --> 00:10:19,059 Ohh, you just look so... Grown-up. 300 00:10:19,060 --> 00:10:21,595 Ohh, mom. 301 00:10:21,596 --> 00:10:23,730 [Sighs] I know this must be hard for you. 302 00:10:23,731 --> 00:10:25,966 [Voice breaking] You have no idea. 303 00:10:25,967 --> 00:10:29,337 304 00:10:36,077 --> 00:10:39,413 So we finally packed up the car to get Sue to college, 305 00:10:39,414 --> 00:10:41,715 then realized we needed another car 306 00:10:41,716 --> 00:10:44,252 and packed that one up, too. 307 00:10:45,487 --> 00:10:47,721 You know, Brick, this is nice. 308 00:10:47,722 --> 00:10:50,290 The two of us should have broken away from the family years ago. 309 00:10:50,291 --> 00:10:52,259 - It is kind of peaceful. - Yeah. 310 00:10:52,260 --> 00:10:54,228 [Radio static crackles] Sue: Hello? Over. 311 00:10:54,229 --> 00:10:56,964 - Pick up, car 2. This is car 1. Over. - [Snaps fingers] 312 00:10:56,965 --> 00:10:59,505 I already told you I don't want to do your stupid walkie-talkie thing, Sue. 313 00:10:59,506 --> 00:11:02,236 Axl, when we dropped you off at college for the first time, 314 00:11:02,237 --> 00:11:03,537 we were all in the same car. 315 00:11:03,538 --> 00:11:05,639 And since we can't be, this is the next best thing. 316 00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:07,341 Family communication is 317 00:11:07,342 --> 00:11:09,610 an essential part of the experience being the same. 318 00:11:09,611 --> 00:11:11,411 Now smile... I want to get a picture 319 00:11:11,412 --> 00:11:12,579 for my "Sue drop-off" collage. 320 00:11:12,580 --> 00:11:15,015 [Wind gusting] 321 00:11:15,016 --> 00:11:16,683 [Camera shutter clicks] Mike: Hey, hey, you're not paying attention. 322 00:11:16,684 --> 00:11:19,553 Did you see the emergency phone at mile marker 43? 323 00:11:19,554 --> 00:11:21,555 - No. - You're dead. 324 00:11:21,556 --> 00:11:24,057 Okay, who wants to share their favorite Sue memory? 325 00:11:24,058 --> 00:11:25,292 Over. 326 00:11:25,293 --> 00:11:27,294 - Not me. Over. - How about you, mom? 327 00:11:27,295 --> 00:11:29,096 Do you think you can do it without crying? 328 00:11:29,097 --> 00:11:31,365 Oh, don't get me started. [Chuckles] 329 00:11:31,366 --> 00:11:34,468 [Sniffles] 330 00:11:34,469 --> 00:11:36,236 Axl: Sue, I actually have a two-part memory. 331 00:11:36,237 --> 00:11:38,138 [Gasps] Ooh, Axl has a memory. 332 00:11:38,139 --> 00:11:41,575 You are cleared on channel one for your Sue memory. Over. 333 00:11:41,576 --> 00:11:44,678 The first part is how I saw you getting your diploma, 334 00:11:44,679 --> 00:11:46,113 and I couldn't help smiling 335 00:11:46,114 --> 00:11:47,648 'cause I was just so proud of you. 336 00:11:47,649 --> 00:11:50,017 And the second part is... 337 00:11:50,018 --> 00:11:51,385 [Farts] 338 00:11:51,386 --> 00:11:54,321 [Scoffs] Axl, that was disgusting. Over. 339 00:11:54,322 --> 00:11:56,590 Brick: It's worse back here. Over. 340 00:11:56,591 --> 00:11:58,225 Can this be over? Over. 341 00:11:58,226 --> 00:11:59,726 Actually, I have a question. 342 00:11:59,727 --> 00:12:01,094 You're a go, Brick. 343 00:12:01,095 --> 00:12:03,030 Well, Cindy said she wants to take our relationship 344 00:12:03,031 --> 00:12:04,464 to the next level, 345 00:12:04,465 --> 00:12:07,167 and Axl said I should figure out what that level is 346 00:12:07,168 --> 00:12:08,435 and bump it up at least two levels, 347 00:12:08,436 --> 00:12:11,205 but I'm not sure that's solid advice. 348 00:12:11,206 --> 00:12:12,339 Mom, when you and dad were at level... 349 00:12:12,340 --> 00:12:14,942 Brick, do not take any of Axl's advice. 350 00:12:14,943 --> 00:12:16,376 Do you read me? Over. 351 00:12:16,377 --> 00:12:19,313 I am simply informing him of the levels he'll have to master 352 00:12:19,314 --> 00:12:21,181 if he wants to keep a girl like Cindy satisfied. Over. 353 00:12:21,182 --> 00:12:22,716 All right, that's it. We're switching cars. 354 00:12:22,717 --> 00:12:24,151 Pull over. Over. 355 00:12:24,152 --> 00:12:25,552 Brick: I just don't want to blow this. 356 00:12:25,553 --> 00:12:26,987 I really like her. 357 00:12:26,988 --> 00:12:28,956 She gets my sense of humor. She's pretty. 358 00:12:28,957 --> 00:12:30,591 She provides stability my family does not. 359 00:12:30,592 --> 00:12:32,993 Plus, on hot days, I can walk in her shadow. 360 00:12:32,994 --> 00:12:35,095 Shadow. Over. 361 00:12:35,096 --> 00:12:37,030 Over. 362 00:12:37,031 --> 00:12:38,732 Tell him this is what he needs to do. 363 00:12:38,733 --> 00:12:41,101 He needs to ride his bike over to her house, 364 00:12:41,102 --> 00:12:43,370 sit on her stoop, maybe offer her a piece of gum... 365 00:12:43,371 --> 00:12:45,606 Yeah, that's stupid. I'm not telling him that. 366 00:12:45,607 --> 00:12:47,541 You know what? I'm just gonna ask her. 367 00:12:47,542 --> 00:12:49,476 It's time I grab the bull by the horns. 368 00:12:49,477 --> 00:12:51,278 After all, it is the year of Brick. 369 00:12:51,279 --> 00:12:53,614 Hello?! Check the calendar. 370 00:12:53,615 --> 00:12:55,716 It's not the year of Brick. It's the year of Sue. 371 00:12:55,717 --> 00:12:58,452 And it's the drop-off of Sue, which she's been dreaming about 372 00:12:58,453 --> 00:13:00,187 her whole life, but is now being ruined 373 00:13:00,188 --> 00:13:02,256 because everyone is more concerned with Brick. 374 00:13:02,257 --> 00:13:03,257 And there's only 29 minutes left, 375 00:13:03,258 --> 00:13:04,391 and we haven't even shouted out 376 00:13:04,392 --> 00:13:06,393 our top 10 Sue catchphrases yet. 377 00:13:06,394 --> 00:13:07,594 I'll go first. 378 00:13:07,595 --> 00:13:10,597 "Did someone say 'cake'?" 379 00:13:10,598 --> 00:13:11,665 Remember that one? 380 00:13:11,666 --> 00:13:14,334 No! I can't take it anymore! 381 00:13:14,335 --> 00:13:15,602 I got to get away from these people. 382 00:13:15,603 --> 00:13:19,339 383 00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:21,041 Axl, slow down! 384 00:13:21,042 --> 00:13:22,577 [Engine revving] 385 00:13:23,444 --> 00:13:25,312 Dad, tell him to slow down. 386 00:13:25,313 --> 00:13:26,380 He's going out of walkie-talkie range, 387 00:13:26,381 --> 00:13:27,581 and he's gonna get there before us. 388 00:13:27,582 --> 00:13:29,049 And we all have to get there at the same time. 389 00:13:29,050 --> 00:13:30,285 [Tires squeal] 390 00:13:31,552 --> 00:13:32,986 [Gasps] 391 00:13:32,987 --> 00:13:34,955 [Sighs] 392 00:13:34,956 --> 00:13:35,689 [Sighs] 393 00:13:35,690 --> 00:13:38,326 [Air hissing] 394 00:13:42,030 --> 00:13:43,531 I have a new favorite Sue memory. 395 00:13:49,971 --> 00:13:51,171 Knots, people. 396 00:13:51,172 --> 00:13:52,439 I've been saying it all summer. 397 00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:54,274 Knots are very important. 398 00:13:54,275 --> 00:13:55,642 Sue: It didn't happen because of my knot. 399 00:13:55,643 --> 00:13:57,644 It happened because of Axl's driving. 400 00:13:57,645 --> 00:13:59,546 Why'd you have to go so fast, Axl? 401 00:13:59,547 --> 00:14:01,682 I am just preparing you for a lifetime of men 402 00:14:01,683 --> 00:14:03,283 who are gonna try to get away from you fast. 403 00:14:03,284 --> 00:14:04,718 You're welcome. 404 00:14:04,719 --> 00:14:06,620 Mike: Okay, the longer we stand here chatting, 405 00:14:06,621 --> 00:14:08,355 the longer it's gonna take us to get back on the road. 406 00:14:08,356 --> 00:14:10,957 So, Sue, you're up. Have at it. 407 00:14:10,958 --> 00:14:12,426 - Wait, what? - Yeah, what? 408 00:14:12,427 --> 00:14:13,960 Sue's gonna change the tire. 409 00:14:13,961 --> 00:14:15,329 If she does it the way I taught her, 410 00:14:15,330 --> 00:14:17,197 it shouldn't take long. 411 00:14:17,198 --> 00:14:19,633 It did. 412 00:14:19,634 --> 00:14:22,102 And we wouldn't be the Hecks unless... 413 00:14:22,103 --> 00:14:23,470 There's no spare tire in there. 414 00:14:23,471 --> 00:14:25,273 Oh, crap. We gave it to Axl. 415 00:14:27,008 --> 00:14:29,609 [Grunting] 416 00:14:29,610 --> 00:14:32,212 All right. 417 00:14:32,213 --> 00:14:33,580 No, no, no, no, no! Come back! 418 00:14:33,581 --> 00:14:35,716 [Grunting] 419 00:14:35,717 --> 00:14:37,719 Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! [Grunts] 420 00:14:41,189 --> 00:14:44,324 Okay, so, now I just turn this. 421 00:14:44,325 --> 00:14:47,494 [Sighs] Let's see, the lefty-righty-tighty-loosey. 422 00:14:47,495 --> 00:14:49,363 - Sue, we went over this. - I know! 423 00:14:49,364 --> 00:14:51,498 I just can't think when you're looming over me. 424 00:14:51,499 --> 00:14:53,266 Come on, Mike. Would you just help her? 425 00:14:53,267 --> 00:14:54,468 I am helping her. 426 00:14:54,469 --> 00:14:55,736 I'm helping her by making her do it on her own. 427 00:14:55,737 --> 00:14:57,137 I'm just not good under pressure! 428 00:14:57,138 --> 00:14:58,205 Well, last time I checked, 429 00:14:58,206 --> 00:14:59,673 there weren't too many relaxing emergencies. 430 00:14:59,674 --> 00:15:00,640 - Ugh! - [Tire iron clanks] 431 00:15:00,641 --> 00:15:02,442 I can't get the lug nuts off! 432 00:15:02,443 --> 00:15:04,511 Please, just... was I supposed to take them off 433 00:15:04,512 --> 00:15:06,546 before I jacked up the car? 434 00:15:06,547 --> 00:15:09,383 Just nod if it's a yes! 435 00:15:09,384 --> 00:15:11,351 [Screams] 436 00:15:11,352 --> 00:15:12,586 Dad! 437 00:15:12,587 --> 00:15:14,321 Why are you doing this?! 438 00:15:14,322 --> 00:15:16,056 Just change the tire! 439 00:15:16,057 --> 00:15:18,225 Clearly, you've pawned Sue off on me 440 00:15:18,226 --> 00:15:20,127 at the perfect moment 'cause you are losing your mind. 441 00:15:20,128 --> 00:15:22,062 Sue, get in my car. We're going. 442 00:15:22,063 --> 00:15:24,131 No, nobody talk to her. Nobody help her. 443 00:15:24,132 --> 00:15:26,433 She's got to learn how to do this. [Sighs] Come on, Mike! 444 00:15:26,434 --> 00:15:27,467 This is pointless. 445 00:15:27,468 --> 00:15:29,169 I never learned to change a tire, 446 00:15:29,170 --> 00:15:30,303 and my life turned out fine. 447 00:15:30,304 --> 00:15:32,105 Did it, Frankie? Did it? 448 00:15:32,106 --> 00:15:33,573 Come on. This is her day. 449 00:15:33,574 --> 00:15:34,975 It's her first day of college. 450 00:15:34,976 --> 00:15:36,276 No. She's got to learn. 451 00:15:36,277 --> 00:15:37,944 All right, you know what? Axl is right. 452 00:15:37,945 --> 00:15:39,613 You are going crazy. 453 00:15:39,614 --> 00:15:42,282 You know, if you learned to just express an emotion 454 00:15:42,283 --> 00:15:43,650 and tell your daughter that you loved her 455 00:15:43,651 --> 00:15:45,452 instead of making her shut off the gas lines 456 00:15:45,453 --> 00:15:47,320 and plunging toilets, we wouldn't be stranded 457 00:15:47,321 --> 00:15:48,655 on the side of the road right now. 458 00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:51,324 I'm sorry. I guess you're the expert on emotions. 459 00:15:51,325 --> 00:15:53,493 Why don't you squeeze out a few more fake-o tears 460 00:15:53,494 --> 00:15:55,996 so Sue won't know you're not really sad about her leaving? 461 00:15:55,997 --> 00:15:58,098 [Metal clatters] 462 00:15:58,099 --> 00:15:59,633 You're not sad I'm leaving? 463 00:15:59,634 --> 00:16:01,234 What?! 464 00:16:01,235 --> 00:16:02,369 How can you say that? 465 00:16:02,370 --> 00:16:04,337 [Voice breaking] I am so sad right now. 466 00:16:04,338 --> 00:16:07,474 I can't believe my little girl is leaving. 467 00:16:07,475 --> 00:16:11,144 [Whimpers] 468 00:16:11,145 --> 00:16:12,479 Okay, fine. I'm not sad right now, 469 00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:15,115 but it's not because I love you any less than Axl. 470 00:16:15,116 --> 00:16:16,616 It's just because I've been through it all before. 471 00:16:16,617 --> 00:16:19,019 You'll see when you have kids. 472 00:16:19,020 --> 00:16:20,220 [Sighs] 473 00:16:20,221 --> 00:16:22,622 This is all your fault! 474 00:16:22,623 --> 00:16:25,325 You just stole all mom's emotions! 475 00:16:25,326 --> 00:16:27,360 You've been doing it your whole life! 476 00:16:27,361 --> 00:16:30,464 Every time I do something, it's already been done by you! 477 00:16:30,465 --> 00:16:32,532 You are just, like, one big, greedy 478 00:16:32,533 --> 00:16:35,702 emotion dustbuster sucking up all mom's love! 479 00:16:35,703 --> 00:16:38,472 This is the worst college drop-off ever! 480 00:16:38,473 --> 00:16:40,474 This is nothing like how I pictured it! 481 00:16:40,475 --> 00:16:42,108 [Sighs] Why not, Sue?! 482 00:16:42,109 --> 00:16:43,977 This seems to be the way we do it! 483 00:16:43,978 --> 00:16:45,479 You said you wanted the same as Axl, 484 00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:47,681 and here we are... fighting on the side of the road. 485 00:16:47,682 --> 00:16:49,483 So, congratulations! You got your wish! 486 00:16:49,484 --> 00:16:51,585 [Metal creaks] 487 00:16:51,586 --> 00:16:54,154 Turns out, curling irons aren't the only thing 488 00:16:54,155 --> 00:16:56,122 you shouldn't buy at a garage sale. 489 00:16:56,123 --> 00:16:57,724 But on the bright side, Sue did get to use 490 00:16:57,725 --> 00:16:59,693 one of her newly acquired life skills. 491 00:16:59,694 --> 00:17:02,229 Okay, that's $35 even. 492 00:17:02,230 --> 00:17:05,233 I just need to notate it in my ledger. 493 00:17:06,534 --> 00:17:08,335 So, dropping your only daughter off at college, huh? 494 00:17:08,336 --> 00:17:10,637 Don't say it. Don't say it. 495 00:17:10,638 --> 00:17:13,107 Must be a pretty emotional time for you. 496 00:17:21,616 --> 00:17:24,651 [Radio static crackles] Frankie: Hey, there, car 2. 497 00:17:24,652 --> 00:17:27,254 Just seeing how you're doing back there. 498 00:17:27,255 --> 00:17:30,024 Anybody got their ears on? Over. 499 00:17:32,093 --> 00:17:34,027 Okay, Sue [Sighs] 500 00:17:34,028 --> 00:17:38,732 I don't know what else to do, so I'm just gonna talk. 501 00:17:38,733 --> 00:17:40,634 [Sighs] 502 00:17:40,635 --> 00:17:43,336 You think I'm not gonna miss you? 503 00:17:43,337 --> 00:17:46,006 How do you not miss someone you've held 504 00:17:46,007 --> 00:17:49,142 since the first moment of their life 505 00:17:49,143 --> 00:17:51,611 like a gift you've been given? 506 00:17:51,612 --> 00:17:55,215 I mean, you even came wrapped. 507 00:17:55,216 --> 00:17:58,018 Y-you're someone I've spent every day with 508 00:17:58,019 --> 00:18:00,420 for 18 years... 509 00:18:00,421 --> 00:18:02,088 Except for the three days at summer camp 510 00:18:02,089 --> 00:18:04,524 that you won selling cheese and sausage, 511 00:18:04,525 --> 00:18:06,226 six with grandma and grandpa, 512 00:18:06,227 --> 00:18:08,128 and two when you ran away from home, 513 00:18:08,129 --> 00:18:10,330 but we all knew you were living in your closet. 514 00:18:10,331 --> 00:18:13,700 And then, this... this gift of a person leaves you? 515 00:18:13,701 --> 00:18:17,003 How are you not crushed by that? 516 00:18:17,004 --> 00:18:22,042 But the thing is, with you, more than the sad, 517 00:18:22,043 --> 00:18:23,944 there's this excitement, 518 00:18:23,945 --> 00:18:27,013 oh, 'cause I know you are so ready for this. 519 00:18:27,014 --> 00:18:29,249 And you're gonna do amazing things. 520 00:18:29,250 --> 00:18:32,385 I mean, you are gonna Sue up the world. 521 00:18:32,386 --> 00:18:35,622 [Voice breaking] How lucky is the world, hmm? 522 00:18:35,623 --> 00:18:37,524 And how lucky am I 523 00:18:37,525 --> 00:18:41,428 that I get a front-row seat for all of it? 524 00:18:41,429 --> 00:18:43,663 [Sighs] 525 00:18:43,664 --> 00:18:45,466 [Radio static crackles] 526 00:18:50,071 --> 00:18:52,639 Sue: [Sobbing] 527 00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:54,608 [Crying] I know that I wanted this trip 528 00:18:54,609 --> 00:18:56,943 to be exactly like Axl's, 529 00:18:56,944 --> 00:18:59,613 but [Sniffles] I don't anymore 530 00:18:59,614 --> 00:19:02,148 because this is way better. 531 00:19:02,149 --> 00:19:03,383 [Crying] 532 00:19:03,384 --> 00:19:06,387 - This is Sue, by the way. Over. - [Both chuckle] 533 00:19:08,522 --> 00:19:11,192 Can you please hand the walkie-talkie over to dad? 534 00:19:13,561 --> 00:19:17,631 Dad, I know it's hard for you to say you love me, 535 00:19:17,632 --> 00:19:20,634 but it's not hard for me. 536 00:19:20,635 --> 00:19:22,670 I love you, dad. 537 00:19:26,207 --> 00:19:28,376 All right, here's your mom. 538 00:19:34,649 --> 00:19:37,450 And then the moment I've been pretending to dread 539 00:19:37,451 --> 00:19:39,219 actually arrived. 540 00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:41,087 [Drew Holcomb and The Neighbors' "I've Got You" plays] 541 00:19:41,088 --> 00:19:44,625 I dropped my only daughter off at college. 542 00:19:44,626 --> 00:19:46,459 Well, three hours later, we did. 543 00:19:46,460 --> 00:19:48,561 She really brought a lot of crap. 544 00:19:48,562 --> 00:19:51,032 545 00:20:02,209 --> 00:20:04,045 [Both sigh] 546 00:20:04,278 --> 00:20:05,345 [Sighs] 547 00:20:05,346 --> 00:20:07,414 Damn it, she forgot the ice scraper. 548 00:20:07,415 --> 00:20:09,115 First big storm, and she's dead. 549 00:20:09,116 --> 00:20:12,952 Mike, she's gonna be fine. [Sighs] 550 00:20:12,953 --> 00:20:14,454 [Sighs] Maybe I should drive it up there just in case. 551 00:20:14,455 --> 00:20:16,356 Mike... 552 00:20:16,357 --> 00:20:18,259 You're gonna be fine. 553 00:20:19,660 --> 00:20:21,494 This is a tough one, Frankie. 554 00:20:21,495 --> 00:20:22,996 It's my daughter. 555 00:20:22,997 --> 00:20:24,397 I know. [Sighs] 556 00:20:24,398 --> 00:20:26,366 It's gonna be weird not having her here. 557 00:20:26,367 --> 00:20:28,501 - The house is gonna be so quiet. - Hmm. 558 00:20:28,502 --> 00:20:31,538 But it is kind of nice when you think about it. 559 00:20:31,539 --> 00:20:33,606 Two kids in college, 560 00:20:33,607 --> 00:20:36,376 just you and me here in our empty nest. 561 00:20:36,377 --> 00:20:38,979 Hmm. [Chuckles] 562 00:20:40,347 --> 00:20:42,349 Still here. 563 00:20:48,235 --> 00:20:50,067 [Drew Holcomb and The Neighbors' "I've Got You" plays] 564 00:20:50,068 --> 00:20:54,038 [Whistling] 565 00:20:54,039 --> 00:20:56,007 [Indistinct conversations] 566 00:20:58,276 --> 00:21:00,378 [Clears throat] 567 00:21:01,813 --> 00:21:05,449 I saw stars like a blanket 568 00:21:05,450 --> 00:21:08,986 I saw people just like me 569 00:21:08,987 --> 00:21:12,456 There was light moving forward 570 00:21:12,457 --> 00:21:16,194 I've got the world, and I've got you 571 00:21:18,339 --> 00:21:24,594 Sync and corrections by peterbrito www.addic7ed.com 572 00:21:24,644 --> 00:21:29,194 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0